The life of a hermit

I've travelled to several places in the last year that have cause me to think that they would be perfect places to hide away in and do nothing but be creative all day long. The Sunny Coast hinterland is one of those places; another is South Durras in NSW. I've been considering the life of a hermit recently and if I were to become one at least I already have my location worked out.



I don't really know anyone in those areas so people wouldn't be a problem. I could hide away and immerse myself in words written by other people as well as writing a few of my own. I could paint and draw and just be whoever I damn well wanted to be.


If I was a hermit I'd have time for a veggie garden. I'd grow carrots that come out of the ground in funny shapes, lettuce, spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes and lots of basil. I'd have chickens that laid eggs and a cat that chased the chickens.
If I was a hermit I'd climb the hills and walk the beach, I'd spend my days doing what ever it is I pleased.

But then I'd probly get lonely and invite people to come visit. That's not a very hermit-y thing to do is it?
I'd throw big parties with bonfires and fire twirling and acoustic music. That's not what a hermit would do.
I'd cook so much food and then have to go make friends so the food didn't go to waste. I've never heard of a hermit doing that.

I'd make a horrible permanent hermit, maybe I should just go on hermit like holidays?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

It's 2:47am and it's not a pretty time. I was tired before I got to work and I'm pretty sure I'll be ruined by the time I leave. Just over 5 hours to go. I've never had to work these hours before, sure I've been at work and had the kids wake me up but never have I intentionally stayed awake.
I've decided I don't like it very much. Late nights are good for study or hanging out with friends or for sleeping. Especially for sleeping. They're not very exciting when you're at work, alone.
mmmm...sleeeeeep.
I'm thinking of all you blessed people who are in sleep land right now and I hope your sleep is wonderful. I hope you realise how blessed you are to have it.

Sleep tight.

Today's Soundtrack

In no particular order:
1. Drifting- The Paper kites
2. Say something- Tim Nelson and the cub scouts
3. In a lonely place- Ellington
4. Dwell- Garage Hymnal
5. Starry Eyed- Ellie Goulding
6. Resin on my Heartstrings- Newton Faulkner
7. If this is it- Newton Faulkner
8. Let it be me- Ray LaMontage

Heartbroken

To say something is broken is to say that it needs fixing. 

Except for hearts. They're a little more complicated. I'm not sure what they need exactly but I do know that healing is involved. 

I had a girlfriend tell me today of a very recent heartbreak and for the first time I knew what to do. Out of this ugly mess of heart ache came this moment of understanding. There's a scripture that tells us that God will work everything for good. Today my heart ache became a good thing in my life. Today I was able to look at another and not just empathize but to understand and to know what it was to be in her world right then. 

He took something horrid and turned it into good, something I despised and made it into something I appreciate. 

Heartbreak doesn't require fixing, just understanding. Today I understood and in that my own healing has progressed. 


Only the heartbroken can really understand heartbreak.

Your Will

Father tonight I pray, Your will be done. Please let it be done. I trust you. I know that You're able to carry me through this. I know that You see what I do not. That You have plans that I do not have knowledge or understanding of.


Even now as I feel lost I know that You have me in the palm of your hand. And so I trust you.

Even now as my heart screams out in agony, even now as this weight on my chest turns my thoughts to confusion and mush. Especially now that my plans and dreams lay in shatters around me. Now as I'm standing in a place I did not plan to be. Even now I declare, Your will Lord. Not my own.

Now Lord. Show me your will, show me the next step. Tell me and I will trust in You. Because I have made a mess of what You gave me.


Your will Lord. Let it be.

Ramblings

This last week has been good for me and to me. I've had space to think and expand the wings of my mind. To try to figure out all that has happened and is happening in my world. I'd like to say that I made decisions but I'm happy to say that I didn't. My mind had freedom just to explore, to be challenged and also to stay exactly where it was at.


It was the same for my heart. It's amazing what a tent, good friends and a whole lot of music can do for my insides. Realizing that I'm not the only one that has experienced these feelings. To connect with another person because of what they've written, it’s a strange kind of bliss.

I got to drive on a highway for multiple hours another good feeling. Focusing on the road and the hours disappearing. All that matters are those green signs that come up ever so often, using numbers to reward me, letting me know how much closer I am to my goal.

It's such a wonderful thing not to have to be any where unless I choose to be. No such thing as "I have to be there' rather the more delightful "I want to'. So much of my time feels like 'have to' moments.

I liked having the time to breathe. And think. And just feel.

Too many times my feelings go unnoticed, unrecognized on the radar. Or if they are being noticed it's only because they need to be 'fixed'.

I don't require fixing. I'm not broken. Maybe I'm a little messy a times, but don't worry, I'll look after myself. I've come this far.

And if I cry, it's ok. Please don't try to fix me, just let me cry. Because if I've stopped stopping myself then that's all the fixing I need. For now anyway.

Easter Adventuring

I'm home at last, it's been one of those funny little holidays that feel ten times longer then what it actually was. Not much sleep, stacks of driving, boys with marginally over groomed hair, red dirt and of course stacks of new music.
I highly recommend that you scoot over to where ever it is that you download your music from and grab Tim Nelson and the Cub Scouts.
Much love.