1. If you ask to help me I'm going to say no, if instead you just get in and help I'm going to say "Thank You".
2. If I have a birthday without birthday cake I feel as if I've had no birthday at all. If you have a birthday with no birthday cake I’ll feel ripped off for you.
3. I like my coffee strong, white with no sugar.
4. I will interrogate you at some point about something.
5. If you date my friends I will be watching you.
6. If you want to give me something, give me a memory, I'll treasure it more then any trinket or treasure.
7. I'll consider you a true friend when you don't need someone else to decipher my excited fast babble.
8. If I tell you that I'm ok often it's more that I'm deciding to be ok.
9. I once was a raver and she still lives inside of me.
10. I absolutely despise small talk. While working in hospitality I perfected the art of small talk, now I'm out of that industry I refuse to participate. If you want to talk to me I'm happy to have a decent conversation, if you do try to small talk me I'm going to think you're an idiot and avoid you at social gatherings.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Learnings from the past week or so
1. People fight differently and what I consider to be a misunderstanding others call a fight. I don't think it's a fight unless there's violence, either vocal or physical.
2. Talking to my bestie face to face is much better then over the phone. I knew this already but it was reinforced last week.
3. People help me feel alive.
4. If you can smell dog poo then there is dog poo to be found, you might just have to look harder. Or get someone else to look.
5. Don't buy female dogs that haven't been desexed.
6. Sunday morning breakfast before church with old friends is delightful.
7. Someone is always looking. Or almost always.
8. Two year olds are more unpredictable then 15 year old juvenile offenders. They're more stressful to look after too. I think they eat more as well.
9. I can still make great espresso even without touching a machine for several months.
10. People will get involved in what you're doing because of why you do it.
2. Talking to my bestie face to face is much better then over the phone. I knew this already but it was reinforced last week.
3. People help me feel alive.
4. If you can smell dog poo then there is dog poo to be found, you might just have to look harder. Or get someone else to look.
5. Don't buy female dogs that haven't been desexed.
6. Sunday morning breakfast before church with old friends is delightful.
7. Someone is always looking. Or almost always.
8. Two year olds are more unpredictable then 15 year old juvenile offenders. They're more stressful to look after too. I think they eat more as well.
9. I can still make great espresso even without touching a machine for several months.
10. People will get involved in what you're doing because of why you do it.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Dusk
Somewhere between the bright light of day and the inky blackness of night is dusk. I've always thought that there's something magical about dusk. Not the make-this-rabbit-disappear type magic or fairy dust magic but the type of magic that is produced by beauty.
It's an intriguing time because there's no clear line between when dusk starts and when it finishes. It's like God decided to blur the line between night and day.
I think of that Proverb that tells us not to let the sun go down on an argument. Maybe dusk is a grace period, a gentle reminder that it's going to be night soon and you don't want to enter the night with anger or bitterness still residing in your soul.
Or maybe it's there to gently let children and workaholics know that they should run home to their own families because the family will be having dinner soon.
Maybe it's there to provide inspiration to artists, God's showing off with colours and lighting to reveal what's possible.
Maybe it's all of that and more. Or maybe it's not.
I do know that it is beautiful and I don't care why or how, just that it is.
It's an intriguing time because there's no clear line between when dusk starts and when it finishes. It's like God decided to blur the line between night and day.
I think of that Proverb that tells us not to let the sun go down on an argument. Maybe dusk is a grace period, a gentle reminder that it's going to be night soon and you don't want to enter the night with anger or bitterness still residing in your soul.
Or maybe it's there to gently let children and workaholics know that they should run home to their own families because the family will be having dinner soon.
Maybe it's there to provide inspiration to artists, God's showing off with colours and lighting to reveal what's possible.
Maybe it's all of that and more. Or maybe it's not.
I do know that it is beautiful and I don't care why or how, just that it is.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Expectations
I've always wondered why the people that cheered Jesus into Jerusalem were the same ones that jeered him on the way to his crucifixion.
Maybe it's because when Jesus entered the city they proclaimed him to be the messiah. They attached expectation to him, he was their hope, and he was going to save them from the Romans. But then he didn't live up to their expectations.
Maybe they were jeering with disillusionment. Maybe they supported him dying because he didn't do what the messiah was expected to do. Maybe they turned against him because their hope was shattered when what they thought was supposed to happen didn't.
I'm not so different, I turn and jeer when things don't work the way I think they should. I stumble and fall when I forget that His ways are not my ways, that His thoughts are Higher then mine.
Maybe it's because when Jesus entered the city they proclaimed him to be the messiah. They attached expectation to him, he was their hope, and he was going to save them from the Romans. But then he didn't live up to their expectations.
Maybe they were jeering with disillusionment. Maybe they supported him dying because he didn't do what the messiah was expected to do. Maybe they turned against him because their hope was shattered when what they thought was supposed to happen didn't.
I'm not so different, I turn and jeer when things don't work the way I think they should. I stumble and fall when I forget that His ways are not my ways, that His thoughts are Higher then mine.
Do you?
I remember when you lived in a house that didn't have an oven. You used to make up chocolate chip cookie dough and keep it in the fridge to eat. I know that you're all grown up now and have a house and husband of your own but I was wondering do you still do that?
Do you still have a wardrobe of clothes and nothing to wear?
Do you still find clothes that you really really REALLY like but it's not in your size but mine? (I still find shoes that I really really REALLY like and discover that they only have your size).
Do you still have two bites of anything and then your full?
Does the phrase "I need to do my washing" still mean "I haven't any clean underwear left".
Do you still try on clothes in shops and after examining yourself in the mirror turn and kick your leg out as you look over your sholder?
Do you still rub your belly when you're hungry, full, bored or tired?
It's been a while since I've been around you, since I've seen how you do life and I just made chocolate chip cookies and put the leftover dough in the fridge, it got me thinking about you. I hope we can hang out soon.
Do you still have a wardrobe of clothes and nothing to wear?
Do you still find clothes that you really really REALLY like but it's not in your size but mine? (I still find shoes that I really really REALLY like and discover that they only have your size).
Do you still have two bites of anything and then your full?
Does the phrase "I need to do my washing" still mean "I haven't any clean underwear left".
Do you still try on clothes in shops and after examining yourself in the mirror turn and kick your leg out as you look over your sholder?
Do you still rub your belly when you're hungry, full, bored or tired?
It's been a while since I've been around you, since I've seen how you do life and I just made chocolate chip cookies and put the leftover dough in the fridge, it got me thinking about you. I hope we can hang out soon.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
What you don't get to read
Goodness, the things that I would write on here if I didn't censor myself. The verbal vomit that would cover these pages in the shape of open letters to people that turn me into a breathing ball of quivering rage.
Sadly it might be less entertaining for you but at least you haven't a full realisation of the psycho that lives inside of me. Sometimes the thoughts that cross my mind have me questioning the stableness of my emotional state.
The worst thing I've had to deal with is the words that fall out of my mouth. Fall is the correct way to describe it because it's not even like I realise what I'm about to say before it's said, somehow it passes the censorship station.
Happily writing takes a bit more effort. I get to read what I'm saying and thought processes are a little more involved. But don't think I haven't completed some very interesting posts and then kept them in the vault. Writing is my way of venting and lately I've had a lot to vent about.
Think yourself lucky punk face.
Sadly it might be less entertaining for you but at least you haven't a full realisation of the psycho that lives inside of me. Sometimes the thoughts that cross my mind have me questioning the stableness of my emotional state.
The worst thing I've had to deal with is the words that fall out of my mouth. Fall is the correct way to describe it because it's not even like I realise what I'm about to say before it's said, somehow it passes the censorship station.
Happily writing takes a bit more effort. I get to read what I'm saying and thought processes are a little more involved. But don't think I haven't completed some very interesting posts and then kept them in the vault. Writing is my way of venting and lately I've had a lot to vent about.
Think yourself lucky punk face.
Blindness isn't a result of too little light-that's darkness. Blindness is when you're not able to see when light is all around you...Someone pointed out to me that a pebble and a diamond are alike to a blind man, maybe I've been fingering diamonds all this time, without ever realising it.
Steven James, Story (pg127)
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Some other people said it better...
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
— Mother Teresa
"Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree..."
— Pete Wentz
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
— Joan Crawford
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Memories
Several years ago my best friend from high school surprised her guests and got married at her engagement party. That was one of the best days of my life.
I was a bridesmaid and we wore little black dresses. (I found mine the day before). The boys wore kilts (it made the photos a bit awkward), the bride had part of her dress made out of curtain material (she couldn't find the right lace) and her grandma made the wedding cake (I took some with me when I left and lived off it for a week).
The night before we had a secret practice for the ceremony, we walked down the aisle to Blower's Daughter, it was sung by one of the boys from the church while he played acoustic g-tair.
On the day we girls got ready at the hotel doing our own hair and makeup. A young man with the name of Zomer picked us up and drove us around to where the photos were being taken and the impulsive trip through the Macca's drive through to get cheeseburgers (and fries for me, I was a vege at the time).
So much laughter happened that day. It felt like such a celebration. I ate food from other people's plates as I wondered around and talked to everyone at the reception. I did feel sadness as my best friend left with her new husband because I knew that I was no longer the first person she would call when she needed to talk.
I used to get sad when things changed. Now I recognize that it's just life.
Here's to change, here's to friends leaving town, people getting married, birthdays, break downs, break ups and reconciliation. Here's to moving forward and living life with all we have, here's to recognizing that without pain our joy lacks depth. Here's to acknowledging the past but getting on with the future. Here's to old friendships that still bring a smile to my face. Friends that no matter how long it's been, the connection is still there and it's not just the pretense of nostalgia.
I was a bridesmaid and we wore little black dresses. (I found mine the day before). The boys wore kilts (it made the photos a bit awkward), the bride had part of her dress made out of curtain material (she couldn't find the right lace) and her grandma made the wedding cake (I took some with me when I left and lived off it for a week).
The night before we had a secret practice for the ceremony, we walked down the aisle to Blower's Daughter, it was sung by one of the boys from the church while he played acoustic g-tair.
On the day we girls got ready at the hotel doing our own hair and makeup. A young man with the name of Zomer picked us up and drove us around to where the photos were being taken and the impulsive trip through the Macca's drive through to get cheeseburgers (and fries for me, I was a vege at the time).
So much laughter happened that day. It felt like such a celebration. I ate food from other people's plates as I wondered around and talked to everyone at the reception. I did feel sadness as my best friend left with her new husband because I knew that I was no longer the first person she would call when she needed to talk.
I used to get sad when things changed. Now I recognize that it's just life.
Here's to change, here's to friends leaving town, people getting married, birthdays, break downs, break ups and reconciliation. Here's to moving forward and living life with all we have, here's to recognizing that without pain our joy lacks depth. Here's to acknowledging the past but getting on with the future. Here's to old friendships that still bring a smile to my face. Friends that no matter how long it's been, the connection is still there and it's not just the pretense of nostalgia.
Monday, May 3, 2010
I'm 26 and this is what I know now...
1. Leaving your teenage years behind doesn't mean that you're leaving pimples behind. Dealing with pus infestations on your face is something that'll happen every time you're hormonal.
2. This whole not having sex until you get married deal doesn't get easier. It gets harder the older and less married you are but marrying someone to stop this struggle will introduce the risk of a much bigger struggle.
3. Most weddings are carbon copies of each other just different people in the wedding party. Becoming 'cool' with being single at weddings is so freaking important because there's only two other options: either going crazy and performing a wedding massacre or devouring the whole wedding cake by yourself before it's cut.
4. It’s true, there does come a day when you start thinking about your baby making machine. Just like the rest of you it's getting older. Being single is fun except when that thought hits, it'll most often come when you least expect it and it'll shock the life out of you.
5. Words and faith are kind of the same. Faith without action is dead; words without the action to back them up are also useless. Wait for the boy whose actions proceed his words. Words are a nice way to communicate, actions are the proof.
6. Most BFF's don't actually make it to the forever part. Sometimes it's heartbreaking, other times it's a relief. The smartest thing I ever heard in regards to friendships is to understand that some people are in your life for a moment, others a season and fewer still a lifetime. Friendships become easier and more natural when you hold them with an open hand.
7. Make friends with your hairdresser, then they'll give you discounts. The result of this is you'll actually be able to afford to look as good as you do.
8. Never lend anything that you wouldn't give. This saves the hassle of trying to chase it up at a later date and you'll be even more pleased when it's returned.
9. Books in a bookcase might look good but books are only really fulfilling their purpose if they are being read. If a book has changed your life then pass it on, it increases the value of that book.
10. Don't expect anything from anyone that they're not already giving. Expectations cause disappointments and can ruin relationships. Accept people for where they are at and then encourage them to move forward. Choose friendships that will motivate you forward as well.
11. If you're going to wear those heels stop moaning about them. Seriously. Taking them off at the end of the night to dance is not attractive. Learn how to walk, dance, drive and suffer in those heels if you are going to wear them. Style has a price tag, complaining about how painful those shoes are puts them in the discount bargain bin. Also if you can't walk in those shoes sober, put them back.
2. This whole not having sex until you get married deal doesn't get easier. It gets harder the older and less married you are but marrying someone to stop this struggle will introduce the risk of a much bigger struggle.
3. Most weddings are carbon copies of each other just different people in the wedding party. Becoming 'cool' with being single at weddings is so freaking important because there's only two other options: either going crazy and performing a wedding massacre or devouring the whole wedding cake by yourself before it's cut.
4. It’s true, there does come a day when you start thinking about your baby making machine. Just like the rest of you it's getting older. Being single is fun except when that thought hits, it'll most often come when you least expect it and it'll shock the life out of you.
5. Words and faith are kind of the same. Faith without action is dead; words without the action to back them up are also useless. Wait for the boy whose actions proceed his words. Words are a nice way to communicate, actions are the proof.
6. Most BFF's don't actually make it to the forever part. Sometimes it's heartbreaking, other times it's a relief. The smartest thing I ever heard in regards to friendships is to understand that some people are in your life for a moment, others a season and fewer still a lifetime. Friendships become easier and more natural when you hold them with an open hand.
7. Make friends with your hairdresser, then they'll give you discounts. The result of this is you'll actually be able to afford to look as good as you do.
8. Never lend anything that you wouldn't give. This saves the hassle of trying to chase it up at a later date and you'll be even more pleased when it's returned.
9. Books in a bookcase might look good but books are only really fulfilling their purpose if they are being read. If a book has changed your life then pass it on, it increases the value of that book.
10. Don't expect anything from anyone that they're not already giving. Expectations cause disappointments and can ruin relationships. Accept people for where they are at and then encourage them to move forward. Choose friendships that will motivate you forward as well.
11. If you're going to wear those heels stop moaning about them. Seriously. Taking them off at the end of the night to dance is not attractive. Learn how to walk, dance, drive and suffer in those heels if you are going to wear them. Style has a price tag, complaining about how painful those shoes are puts them in the discount bargain bin. Also if you can't walk in those shoes sober, put them back.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
I Love You...
I'm sorry what did you say? I think I heard what you said, that statement is confusing sometimes.
Did you mean 'love' like the little Bieber kid does when he sings 'and I would never not be there'. Sorry he's what, fifteen? Is that the love you mean?
Or do you mean the 'love' that parents talk about? The kind that causes them to feel more pain then you do when they have to punish you?
What about the type of love that caused Romeo and Juliet to kill themselves? It's a great story but too tragic for me. Love that kills is not useful to anyone.
There's the friendship agape love, is that the one you meant? The type that causes us to be bff's?
Is it because I'm here that you love me and if I left you'd find someone else to love? Am I replaceable? Did you just mean that you're alone and you need someone there?
Did you mean to say 'I want to have sex with you’ ? Love doesn't always equal sex or vice versa.
Maybe you just couldn't think of anything else to say?
Or did you mean that, did you mean that you want the best for me, that you'll fight for me, that you'll pick me up when I'm flat on my face in misery. That you'll come on adventures with me and we'll explore this life together. You'll do what is right for me, what is right for us. You'll stay with me when everyone else has left. Did I hear that you'll strive not just to make me happy but you will join with me in a partnership to get the most out of every aspect of this life? That you're here not just because I make you feel good but because you adore me and couldn't imagine life without me.
So could you repeat that? But just say it clearer so I can understand what it is you mean.
Did you mean 'love' like the little Bieber kid does when he sings 'and I would never not be there'. Sorry he's what, fifteen? Is that the love you mean?
Or do you mean the 'love' that parents talk about? The kind that causes them to feel more pain then you do when they have to punish you?
What about the type of love that caused Romeo and Juliet to kill themselves? It's a great story but too tragic for me. Love that kills is not useful to anyone.
There's the friendship agape love, is that the one you meant? The type that causes us to be bff's?
Is it because I'm here that you love me and if I left you'd find someone else to love? Am I replaceable? Did you just mean that you're alone and you need someone there?
Did you mean to say 'I want to have sex with you’ ? Love doesn't always equal sex or vice versa.
Maybe you just couldn't think of anything else to say?
Or did you mean that, did you mean that you want the best for me, that you'll fight for me, that you'll pick me up when I'm flat on my face in misery. That you'll come on adventures with me and we'll explore this life together. You'll do what is right for me, what is right for us. You'll stay with me when everyone else has left. Did I hear that you'll strive not just to make me happy but you will join with me in a partnership to get the most out of every aspect of this life? That you're here not just because I make you feel good but because you adore me and couldn't imagine life without me.
So could you repeat that? But just say it clearer so I can understand what it is you mean.
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